


Missing

by yukiscorpio



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 08:28:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiscorpio/pseuds/yukiscorpio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It is said that we don't need our hearts, and a lot of us exist with an empty space in our chests, but no one would let others know they have given their hearts away. It is time to see if all that is true."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on LJ on 11 August 2008.

Something tugged at Yagyuu again - that empty space inside.

He could not remember.

 

The rusted bell on the door rang, its sound dull and solid. The shop had the musty scent of old books - or the fragrance of knowledge, as its owner always said. The man was currently at his desk at the far end of the shop, not looking up from his writing to greet the customer. The sort of people who visited such a place were those who knew what they wanted and did not require assistance, unless they were looking for something special.

That was not to say that none of what Yanagi had on display in his shop was special. In fact, it was the very opposite: every item was exquisite, rare, sought-for. But very few people could afford them, and even fewer prepared to pay the true price. And then there were the _other_ things that were not displayed, and those were even more extraordinary.

Yanagi knew what it was what this particular customer wanted, that he had made up his mind about it, and no matter how much time Yanagi gave him to consider, nothing was going to change. That was the way with this man, as it was the way with many people Yanagi became close with in his life. He shook his head, resigned; he was always attracted to people with such a quality.

Yanagi ended the passage he was writing, pressed the tip of his pen on the blotter and set it down carefully. "Something to drink, Yagyuu?" It was more an invitation than a question, as he was already filling a pot with tea leaves from a paper bag in his drawer. Yagyuu gave a small nod as he continued to browse the goods - labelled jars of small creatures suspended in liquid; dried plants and animal parts sorted in a wall of little drawers, half of which were too high to reach without a ladder; gemstones, many of them unrefined; several fine collections of feathers; leather-bound books of unknown age, detailing the secrets and powers behind many things, some of which could be found in this shop - until Yanagi presented him with a cup of perfectly brewed tea.

"Thank you." Yagyuu blew on the tea before taking a sip.

"Anything in particular you're looking for?" Yanagi asked, although he already knew the answer. He had to hear Yagyuu make the request first, so that he could maintain a clear conscience, that Yagyuu had wanted it and was not led to wanting it because of Yanagi. Although, in this instance, the "clear conscience" would only be something relative.

"A _niou_. Would I be able to obtain one from you?"

Yanagi breathed out, almost sighing. He went to the door and flipped the sign around so that it said "Closed", then locked it.

"Come with me."

Through a door at the back, they entered a room. On one side was a mezzanine, its wall lined with bookshelves that were completely filled. On the other side were the _creatures_ , pinned to a stone wall, their wings spread so that they could be studied, their heads bowed in sleep. Insect specimens, crucified criminals, or entities lovingly cared for by Yanagi.

"The combined effect of the iron pins and slate induces a state of relaxation and renders their powers useless," said Yanagi. "This doesn't hurt or harm them."

"Which one is..." Yagyuu walked closer.

Yanagi gestured at one with white hair. Yagyuu stepped even closer. A male, human-sized. In fact, every bit of him looked human apart from the wings, two pairs of them. They were long, thin and transparent, like those of dragonflies, and even had the web of patterns just like the insects.

"As a merchant, I am obliged to warn you of the potential dangers: there is powerful, aggressive magic in a niou's words. In theory he wouldn't use it against you after a bond is made, but there are records of collateral damage. There are potions that can seal him, but you must remember to give it to him again before the effects wear off. He should be strong enough even when mute."

"Seal him as in sealing his speech?"

"Yes. So that he will not speak at all." Yanagi looked at Yagyuu. "From the moment he is bound to you, you only have thirty days to gather what you need and perform the spell. He is a crafty creature, but he will help you as long as he is bound to you. If you do not complete the spell within that time, he will lose his mind and kill you."

"I am fully aware of that." Yagyuu nodded. "I'll put my signature on the necessary documents to absolve you of any responsibility."

"May I speak to you as a friend?"

Moving away from the slate wall, Yagyuu stepped back to Yanagi's side.

"Don't do it, Yagyuu."

Yagyuu's smile was sad. "This is the one thing I need the most in my life now."

There was nothing more that Yanagi could say. He left the room for a while, returning with a vial of clear liquid. "Here."

Yagyuu did not hesitate. He drank from the vial, then approached the creature once more. The niou's mouth hung slightly open, relaxed in sleep. Yagyuu held the niou's face. His skin was slightly cool to the touch.

"There is no turning back after this."

"I know." Yagyuu's mouth closed over the niou's. He breathed out, air and binding magic in his breath. The creature barely moved, though he seemed to have mouthed a word.

"We better seal his speech now."

The magic caused a searing pain within Yagyuu, burning through his soul. The pain was familiar, and it made him wonder how binding oneself to another could feel so much like loss. Like grief.

He took the mute potion from Yanagi and fed it to the niou, then he pulled out the pins that held the creature in place. The niou toppled forward, Yagyuu caught him, letting him rest his head on a shoulder. Yanagi didn't offer any more help; this was something Yagyuu was doing for himself. Only he would know the true weight of his decision: spells as powerful as the one Yagyuu was preparing for always required a sacrifice.

Yanagi accompanied Yagyuu out to his carriage. "He'll come around before the end of the day. Keep him locked in a darkened room until he calms down enough to comprehend his situation; he dislikes sunlight."

Yagyuu refused his driver's offer to help, putting the niou inside the carriage himself. Wrapped in cloth up to his neck, the niou slumped against the side of the vehicle, unaware of his fate just yet.

"Yanagi-kun," Yagyuu said, "why did you get him in the first place?"

"For study. These creatures are spirits that have taken physical forms. There is very little known about them - where they come from, where they go, if their existence is as pointless and aimless as our own," Yanagi said, paused, then sighed, his breath misting in the winter cold. "That, and I had a feeling this day would come. If you could not obtain one from me, you would try other means, at whatever cost."

There was truth in Yanagi's words, but was that really the whole truth? "Is that all?"

A false smile tried to make its way to Yanagi's lips, but it refused to form. The corners of Yanagi's lips trembled, his lips parting, but there were no words. He took a deep breath then, feeling the icy air fill his lungs. It made him shiver.

"The thought had crossed my mind," his voice was low as a whisper, "but I believe one day, he will return. Having a niou is a test to my belief; I am strong enough to give the niou away because I am not giving up on him."

Although he had asked for it, the admission took Yagyuu aback. He touched Yanagi's shoulder with his hand.

"He will come back."

"Yes. All I have to do is wait. It's what he wants," said Yanagi. He leaned forward then, placing a kiss on Yagyuu's cheek. "Good luck."

"Thank you."

 

The heavy curtains were drawn, light coming in through gaps between fabric and window. Yagyuu sat on a chair, one leg crossed over another. Waiting.

The creature stirred, pulling limbs towards himself, transforming elegant sprawl into foetal curl on the velvet cushions. Then he drew an audible breath, opened his eyes and stood up in a flash. He looked around him, spotting Yagyuu after he made a complete turn.

He ran towards Yagyuu, only to be held back by metal bars, body slamming heavily against them, the sound echoing in the room. He stretched his hand out, as if trying to reach Yagyuu. His mouth opened but no sound came.

Yagyuu uncrossed his legs and stood.

"Calm down, Niou-kun. You will not be hurt." He walked close to the creature, but stayed just out of reach. "I placed you in this cage only so that I can get you to listen to me first. Calm down. I will let you out soon and I will not hurt you."

It was a lie. Yagyuu knew this. Niou would also soon know.

Niou withdrew his arm, stumbling back several steps. Looking around him, he took stock of his situation, felt the metal of the giant birdcage he had been locked inside, and suddenly, he threw his head back and laughed. It should be laughter, as far as Yagyuu could tell without the sound. There seemed to be genuine amusement on Niou's face, reminding Yagyuu of that man, who had laughed so hard when he first gave this cage to Yagyuu as a present out-of-the-blue, saying he'd found it in an abandoned mansion and took it because it was pretty and Yagyuu's home had the space and ceiling height for a giant, ornate birdcage.

_"What are you doing now?" Yagyuu asked, arms crossed, staring at him._

_He sat down on the cushions, grinning at Yagyuu through the bars. "Seeing what it feels like to be you."_

"Niou-kun," Yagyuu said once more, since he didn't know how else to address the creature, "I believe you are able to tell we have been bonded."

This caught Niou's attention once more. Yagyuu placed a hand on one of the cast iron bars. Vines crawled up along it, metal leaves and flowers blossoming, all intricately crafted in iron. Although beautiful from afar, the bars felt rough to the hand. Cold, but warming to him quickly. Not unlike someone he knew.

"I request your help in the spell of oblivescence."

This was the only spell nious could be used for - the only spell they were hunted for - but Yagyuu didn't say what he said to state the obvious. It was his demand as the master.

Niou's gaze rested on Yagyuu, betraying nothing on his face.

"We start tomorrow. There are clothes for you on the chair and I have arranged a bedroom for you." Yagyuu didn't look at Niou. "Dinner has been prepared. Come to the main room when you are ready." He unlocked the cage and left it for Niou to open it himself. Niou didn't do it right away, silently watching Yagyuu head towards the exit.

Light crept into the room when Yagyuu opened the door. He paused, his hand on the handle.

"I'm sorry."

The door closed behind him.

 

Niou wore the trousers but didn't want the shirt, though he had found a way to tie a bedsheet so that he could wear it like a cape over a shoulder, keeping his wings free. He ate with his hands, sat cross-legged on his chair and would not stop looking at Yagyuu.

Yagyuu allowed him. He could give Niou some freedom. It was the least he could do.

In the morning, Yagyuu opened his eyes and saw Niou slumped on the floor next to his bed, half awake.

He had known the weight of his decision before the visit to Yanagi, but seeing Niou like this now just suddenly made everything _real_.

 

_"Funny little things," the man said with his accented voice. Yagyuu used to think it was the way people like him - those born on the streets - spoke, but during those crazed days when Yagyuu spent time with him where he came from, Yagyuu realised it wasn't the sound of misfortune or poverty. It was just the way this man was. Eccentric._

_"These are supposed to be, what, intelligent beings. But they do things for people and wait on them like good dogs."_

_"They are rewarded for their work and set free when the task is done."_

_The two creatures Yagyuu had hired were almost finished with fitting the new window. One of them came over to Yagyuu and he gave her an apple. She smiled thankfully at him._

_"You think they're really doing this for your apples? Maybe they'd do a trick and wag their tails if you offered a biscuit?" the man asked when the creature went back to work. "She can't find apples on her own?"_

_"What are you trying to say?"_

_The man didn't answer. Taking some apples from the bowl, he called out at the creatures and started juggling, making them laugh. He tossed two apples at them and took a generous bite out of the third._

_"Apple?" He held the fruit at Yagyuu, letting the bitten part face outwards, showing sweet, white flesh. Yagyuu frowned with slight disgust._

_Watching them, the creatures giggled. The man shrugged and went to help them lift a stone slab for the windowsill, laughing when the creatures whispered something to him._

_Back then, Yagyuu didn't understand._

 

The journey from Rikkai to Hyoutei was one better made by the steam train, unless one was prepared to sacrifice large numbers of horses in order to cross the vast land between the two cities. Legends said the land used to be one great desert, but now it was fertile with life. Still, farming had not extended to this area yet; the great distance to any form of civilisation was enough to put anyone off.

That man wanted to live here. "Smack-dab in the middle of nowhere," he called it. It was another one of his mad ideas. Yagyuu had promised him a herd of sheep. He said he wanted some hedgehogs as well, and Yagyuu told him to get himself some. That man was truly insane. Yagyuu never once doubted any doctor would come to this conclusion should one meet him on the days he grabbed his head and screamed until he lost his voice and still kept screaming, slamming himself against any hard surface, trying to knock himself out. Those were the days even Yanagi's potions and magic could not ease his pain, the days Yagyuu wished the pain could be shared so that he didn't have to endure it alone.

Once, after being completely drugged up, he admitted to Yagyuu there were voices telling him to do things, trying to take over him. But he didn't say what he was told to do, just like how he never told Yagyuu what gave him his scars, both physical and mental, and made him this way. Some things simply could not be put into words.

Yagyuu knew perfectly well the reason behind getting that birdcage and keeping it at his place.

Outside the window, gentle hills rolled by, along with blue sky, endless grassland and the occasional tree. That man could have lived at a place as peaceful as this, away from the people, the city that had hurt him so deeply and robbed him of his mind. A place where he didn't have to fear himself.

"I should have done it faster."

Niou pushed himself up a bit from where he lounged across the sofa in their private cabin. Yagyuu thought he had fallen asleep.

"Just talking to myself," Yagyuu explained.

Niou sat up, nudged himself along the sofa until he was up against the window, opposite Yagyuu. He looked out, trying to see what Yagyuu was looking at, smiling when he saw the scenery outside, as if recalling a fond memory. Curiosity made Yagyuu want to ask what it was that Niou was thinking, wanting to know that someone else could look at this land and associate it with happiness, but Niou had been made mute and Yagyuu wasn't sure, even if Niou could talk, that he would share what was on his mind.

"A friend of mine wanted to live out here. I made arrangements to help him set up, but I took too long and he could not wait for me."

Niou pulled a face of mocked sadness, making it clear that he didn't care; there was no reason for him to. He tugged on the cord hanging by the window, drawing the curtains closed, then flopped back down to sleep until Yagyuu made him use the bunk bed instead.

But somehow, Yagyuu ended up being the one lying down. Niou waved a hand in front of his eyes, Yagyuu recognised the aura as that of a sleeping spell, then the world faded away.

 

Nearly two days had gone by when Yagyuu woke, and he could have slept even longer if not for his thirst. He drank the water they'd brought and what was in the jug on the serving trolley, then sent Niou to get it refilled. When Niou returned and saw Yagyuu wolfing food down, he nearly doubled-over laughing. Yagyuu swallowed, wiped his mouth and warned Niou not to do this again.

He slept better than he had in a long time. If this was the strength of Niou's silent magic, then there was no wonder that Yanagi warned him so strongly about Niou's words. In any case, even if the intentions were good - Yagyuu did need the rest - he could not just let Niou use magic as he pleased. Yagyuu needed to be the one to steer their every step.

Niou shrugged and put the jug, refilled, in front of Yagyuu. Ignoring the man, he stepped around the small table to open the curtains. Outside, a great city glowed in the night.

They had arrived at Hyoutei, the city that never slept.

 

Hyoutei was a land of excessives, of constant festivals. Nothing was too much or too intense. Yagyuu had never set foot here before, had no taste nor desire for such extravagance. Merely walking through the streets was a dizzying experience, with the sounds, the smells, the lights all assaulting his senses at once. Gas street lamps made the night almost as bright as day. Revellers sang and danced, alcohol in their hands. A few yards away, the drunk slept near their own vomit. Bare-chested men stood on benches, juggling lit torches to the rhythm of drums and brass music. Women walked arm-in-arm, some escorted by men, tripping over their own dresses and their bosoms threatening to topple out of the low necklines.

A man rushed past Yagyuu, bumping shoulders with him. Yagyuu's hand was on his wallet before it could be taken. Niou swang his arm, hitting the back of the man's head and sending him to the ground, sliding painfully on the cobbled street. Niou laughed silently.

Unlike any other creatures Yagyuu had hired or worked with before, Niou could be cruel and violent. But that didn't surprise Yagyuu. If he were Niou, he would feel nothing but hatred for humans. The fact that Niou treated him with respect, and as a companion rather than enemy, was because of the bond, although this bond would be what would hurt him in the end.

Yagyuu smiled meekly. He wasn't regretting this. But it would be easier if he just stopped thinking about it.

"Do you need to rest, Niou-kun?" Yagyuu wasn't tired, and it didn't seem like Niou was, either. They might as well just get on with things. "Do you know where we need to go?"

The question was only perfunctory - Niou was the only one who knew the exact locations.

The playful look on Niou's face vanished. He seemed suddenly bored, or perhaps it was a sadness, Yagyuu couldn't tell. He gestured for Yagyuu to follow him, stealing two horses that were tied to a flickering street lamp just outside a tavern, then they were riding, getting out of the city centre. Yagyuu couldn't see in the faint moonlight, and it seemed like the horse couldn't see much either, refusing to go faster than a trod once they were in the shadow of a wood. He gritted his teeth and forced his horse to go forward.

Niou slowed down so that they could ride shoulder to shoulder. His face was completely unreadable.

In the distance, up on a gentle hill, was a castle. From afar and in this light, Yagyuu couldn't see the state of it. But their destination seemed closer, because the animals were refusing to go any further and Niou hopped off, pulled his makeshift cape to one side to free his wings, pointed at Yagyuu and took off into the air.

It took a while for Yagyuu to realise Niou wanted him to wait here.

He got off his horse and walked, purely by instinct, letting the bond between himself and Niou guide him.

When he found Niou, what he saw took his breath away.

The colour of magic wasn't one that could easily be described. It was like waves, or vibrations, like light being distorted in the air on a particularly hot day. Magic glowed around Niou, its waves lifting his cape into the air, sweeping wild white hair back. He floated just off the ground, charging forward in extraordinary speed towards another creature. When the two collided, the roar of magic knocked Yagyuu back. When he looked again, Niou was getting up, rubbing the corner of his lips with the back of a hand, his face betraying nothing.

His opponent, another creature with a human form, threw his head back and laughed.

"You pitiable thing," the atobe said, his entire form wrapped in light, "I suppose you don't get a choice. Ore-sama will end your misery for you!"

Another clash. For the briefest of moment, Niou's face seemed to have changed, becoming someone else, but it was too fast for Yagyuu to see.

The atobe was on the ground, his wings twisted and ripped. Niou stood, looming over him. It was over, Yagyuu knew that much; if the wings were damaged, a creature would soon die.

"Goddamn. You and your fancy tricks. Won't work against tezukas, remember that." Somehow the atobe seemed to be finding this amusing. Maybe there was just nothing he could do but laugh. "Oh, go on then."

Niou went down on one knee.

"Tell me: is he worth it?"

Niou held up two fingers. The atobe closed his eyes. He seemed to have understood. "Good."

The heart had to be ripped out, alive.

Unconscious steps took Yagyuu closer.

The nails on Niou's hand grew, sharp and long. Suddenly his hand wasn't part of a limb, but an instrument, metal wrapped in skin. It pushed inside the atobe's chest with a sickening _crunch_ , crushing bones, splitting flesh.

The organ that Niou pulled out glistened under residual light that still surrounded the atobe, dripping blood. Fresh and very, very red, a colour more vivid than any other. It painted Niou's hand, spattered on his pale chest in a stark contrast of red and white.

Niou's eyes darted to the side, acknowledging that Yagyuu was there. Then he opened his mouth and bit into the dripping heart.

Yagyuu covered his mouth and turned away. He thought he was going to be sick. His feet wandered, taking him towards a random direction in the darkness, wanting nothing except to get away from the scene. He knew all along Niou had to eat the atobe's heart - that was what they came here for - but somehow he never thought about it beyond a knowledge level. The act actually had to be done. And it wasn't pretty to watch.

At least Niou seemed to enjoy it.

He had no idea how far he had gone or how long he had been walking, but suddenly Niou was beside him, a hand - the one not covered in blood - on Yagyuu's arm, guiding him back to their horses. There was blood all around Niou's mouth and cheeks, as if he had tried to wipe it off but only ended up smearing it.

Back in the city centre, Niou cleaned up the best he could, then they found an inn. Their third-floor room faced away from the maddening streets. Niou walked straight past his bed, opened the window and sat so that his legs dangled outside, his back turned to Yagyuu.

Yagyuu struggled to sleep.

He didn't hear Niou's approach, but when he felt the beginning of that sleeping spell, he didn't try to stop it.

 

_"Has he got any world domination plans?" He asked._

_Yagyuu could easily follow that line of thought - Yanagi didn't use magic often, never showing off his true strength, but he was unbelievably, mind-blowingly powerful. Put together with that seemingly limitless knowledge, it felt like Yanagi was capable of anything. And of all the things he could do, he chose to run a shop._

_Yanagi heard the question. "Ruling the world is too much hassle. Not something I would like to do." He passed cups of tea to his visitors._

_The man didn't like tea in particular, but they all knew Yanagi had added medication into that particular cup. He drank it. "Spells and all that. Pretty useful. Could just start a fire anywhere when it's cold, no? Could've helped me through lots of winters."_

_"If you'd like to learn, I have books on elemen-" Yanagi stopped, noticing the way Yagyuu nudged his eyeglassses, hinting at something._

_"It's fine." The man spoke into his cup. "I was just saying, that's all."_

_Yanagi's face reddened a little, ashamed of his own thoughtlessness: this man could not read._

_"I could teach you something simple, if you'd like. Something useful and non-destructive." Yanagi paused to think, a small smile appearing on his lips. "How about a sleeping spell? You'll need a partner to practise on."_

_"Ah ha..." The two men looked innocently at Yagyuu._

_Yagyuu did not like the sound of this._

 

Niou was washing with some water from a bowl. Yagyuu sat up, refreshed from the night's sleep, and watched Niou try to get bloodstains off his clothing. It wasn't working very well.

The scene of Niou ripping the heart out of the atobe and eating it played in Yagyuu's mind again, his stomach lurching at the thought. He could have sworn there was mania and challenge in Niou's eyes, as if to say, "I told you to wait. But now that you're here, I dare you watch this."

Was Niou trying to prove a point, that Yagyuu should listen to him, or was this just part of Niou's nature?

"I will get you new clothes," Yagyuu told Niou, getting dressed. "I am going downstairs to ask about breakfast. Would you like anything?"

Niou shook his head.

"We have a long day ahead of us."

Niou shook his head again. He burped, a hand on his stomach.

"Fair enough." That heart must have been filling. Yagyuu's throat tightened again, but he ignored the feeling the best he could. He had to eat if he was going to keep travelling.

Yagyuu took his time with food, went to buy clothes to replace Niou's stained ones, then walked around the much-quieter morning streets of Hyoutei, before returning. He didn't want to see Niou just yet. Somehow Niou had managed to remind Yagyuu of that man with that simple sleeping spell, and Yagyuu didn't need the image of that man drenched in blood. He didn't want to think about him, that was why he got Niou in the first place - to help him forget, not to bring up memories of him or what he could have been capable of if madness took hold of him completely. The evil streak in him was undeniable, but that was from nurture, not nature; he was not truly evil, not like Niou, who could -

There was violent coughing inside the room. Gagging. Someone wanting to throw up.

Yagyuu stopped outside. Listened. Realised what this meant.

Niou only did what he had to do.

 

Hyoutei was a different city in daylight, unrecognisable from its nighttime madness. The very same people who danced on the streets, fell into water fountains and poured alcohol down their cleavages were the same ones who kept this city running and kept it proud. During the day, they worked. At night, they lived. Two sides of the same coin. One could not love one side and shun the other.

Yayguu thought of that man again.

He bought two horses from a stablemaster, who said the best way to get to Fudomine was through the town of Yamabuki. Three days' ride to Yamabuki, then another days' ride to their destination. Travelling by water would be faster, but the ongoing conflict between the Rokkaku and Higa Islands had become so intense that no one would sail no matter how much gold was being offered.

The stablemaster yammered on, telling Yagyuu all about the day Higa sank a passenger boat without the slightest hesitation. Yagyuu pressed his gold pieces into the man's hands, and he promptly shut up and got the horses prepared for them, got his customers to try the saddles and stirrups, making adjustments on the spot with great care. Yagyuu did not agree with the life style of the people here in Hyoutei, but he could appreciate their professionalism.

They were out of the city before midday, riding along a popular route used by travellers and merchants alike. Niou seemed to be feeling better, but he had obscured most of his face from the sun with fabric, leaving only his eyes and the tips of his white hair exposed, so there was no way to be sure.

Yagyuu understood Niou's intentions now, that Niou meant to scare him off so that he would not get close again when Niou killed, that Niou made him sleep last night so that he wouldn't know Niou's body tried to reject the raw heart. He wanted to tell Niou there was no need to hide, that it was all right, but he wouldn't. Because it wasn't all right. There was nothing he could do to lessen the hurt he was putting Niou through for his own selfish needs. He couldn't destroy Niou's pride as well.

The horse beside his slowed down. Niou was studying Yagyuu, an eyebrow arched, as if asking, "you want to take a break?" Yagyuu shook his head. He wasn't great at riding, having always lived in the city and travelled by carriage, but rest could come later. He didn't need Niou to look after him.

By the end of the first day, Yagyuu had to accept Niou's help just with dismounting from the horse, his muscles too sore to move. At the travellers' inn, they got a room and Niou, when no one was looking, flew upstairs holding Yagyuu around the waist.

Yagyuu lay chest down on the bed, feeling pathetic and wishing he had done more riding in the past than just the odd recreational hunt. That man once said that Yagyuu was "surprisingly tough" given his background, meaning Yagyuu was so pampered he should collapse and die from a small cold or the slightest bit of manual labour. Yagyuu responded by going to live with him at his place until he held his hands up in defeat and took his words back, said this was stupid and they should go back to Yagyuu's home.

Those were the wildest days in Yagyuu's life.

He looked up when he heard the door. Niou came in with a basin of steaming water. He wrung some flannels and used them to cover Yagyuu's calves.

"Thank you, Niou-kun." The heat felt wonderful, and got even better when Niou used his hands to rub and knead Yagyuu's muscles over the flannel. The ache intensified for a while, then ebbed away. Niou wasn't expert at this, but he definitely knew the principle.

But why did he know how to do this?

Creatures were naturally strong and resilient, a trade-off for their comparatively short lives. They didn't get mundane problems like muscle ache from overuse, and they should not know how to treat something like that unless a human taught them to. But nious always kept their distance from men.

Niou once had human company. Someone who didn't exploit him. Or maybe someone who...

"What happened to him?" Yagyuu had to know.

The hands on his calves paused. Niou peered at him under his fine white fringe.

"The previous human you..." served? Looked after? "...accompanied. What happened to him?"

There was no reaction from Niou for a moment, as if he was trying to understand what Yagyuu meant. And then the corners of his lips tightened in something that wasn't a frown or a smile.

Yagyuu watched carefully as Niou mouthed the word, a hint of malice in his eyes:

_Dead._

 

In the night, Yagyuu watched Niou sleep in a bed only several feet away. It was the first time he actually saw the creature sleep.

Niou killed the last man he had bonded with. That man didn't complete the spell within thirty days, Niou lost his mind and killed him. Yagyuu was the second one he might end up killing, that was what he was telling that atobe when he held up two fingers.

 

_"Voices." His voice was hoarse. From screaming._

_"Voices?"_

_"Telling me to do things," he told the ceiling._

_"Don't listen," Yagyuu said to the floor._

_They weren't looking at each other. The man didn't want Yagyuu to see him like this, only just back from the verge of madness. Yagyuu respected that. And he couldn't bear to look at the self-inflicted injuries and the old wounds. They made him feel so powerless._

_"Yagyuu."_

_"Yes?"_

_"If I lose my mind for good, you know what to do," he said. "I can trust you, right?"_

_"Fine," Yagyuu replied, but he knew he would never do it._

 

The second day on the road promised terrible weather since the morning. When the downpour started, their horses started acting up, but they managed to go far enough to find shelter at an inn.

There didn't seem to be that many travellers on the road, but the inn bustled with people; Yagyuu and Niou only just about had a place to sit down amongst everyone else hiding from the rain. They sat in silence, listening to the rain and other people's conversations. An old man said the outlook wasn't good, that this was classic of an oncoming storm, one that would last for at least a week and he knew because he had been on the road for most of his life. Someone else was talking about an atobe found dead in Hyoutei, how the heart was gone so it must mean somebody out there was using a niou. Other people disagreed, saying the rain would dry up soon and nious were only a myth.

Yagyuu ordered some food. Niou still didn't want to eat. He slumped on the table, looking sodden and bored until Yagyuu looked into their bag and pulled out an apple. His head resting on folded arms on the table, Niou looked at it, then looked up at Yagyuu, moving one lazy finger to point at the piece of fruit.

"Eat it. It might help you get your appetite back."

Niou played with the apple, holding it by the stalk and making it twirl one way, then the other. Then he held it up in front of Yagyuu.

"You need to eat," Yagyuu said, somewhat annoyed. He tried to brush Niou's hand away, then he tried to take the fruit, but Niou wouldn't let him, holding it up insistently in front of Yagyuu's mouth.

Finally Yagyuu took a bite. These creatures could be like children sometimes.

Apparently that satisfied Niou. He ate the rest of the apple, then held out his hand, grinning and wanting more. Yagyuu snorted, amused. Niou wasn't any different from other creatures in this sense.

It felt like they had been sitting there the whole day until finally the inn erupted with a collective cheer - the rain had stopped. One by one, weary bodies stretched then filed out, going to the over-crowded stables to fetch horses and carts. Niou managed to get to the horses before they got stolen, Yagyuu said they had to press on, and so they did.

The old man at the inn was right, the break in the rain was only temporary. The full storm hit that night when there was nowhere for Yagyuu and Niou to stop, so they kept moving, forcing the horses to brave the weather with them. They were the only ones still going now, and Niou had pulled his cape away long ago, wrapping it around Yagyuu instead. Soon, Yagyuu couldn't see what was ahead of him apart from the mist of his own breath in the cold and the faint glow of Niou's wings, his only guide.

Rain battered his face so hard it hurt. He felt his horse start to run wild, manic hooves sliding on mud, and his hands tightened, but couldn't do anything apart from hang on, the freezing rain having soaked through to his skin, and the cold to his bones.

Then his body gave up altogether.

 

The scent of burning wood hit him first, a comforting aroma that enveloped him, along with the warmth. Yagyuu thought of the days spent at home, with that man lying on the sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace with a cup of eggnog, telling Yagyuu all sorts of things, some dubious truths, some blatant lies, and Yagyuu himself in the armchair, listening and drinking tea while winter raged on outside.

Yagyuu opened his eyes. He was in a warm and comfortable feather bed, in a room with cottage-style white walls and beams. A boy was crouched in front of a fireplace, putting chopped wood on the fire.

"Excuse me..."

The boy fell on his backside. He scrambled to stand, dusting himself with dirty hands and rushing to Yagyuu's side. "Sir! How are you feeling?"

Yagyuu wanted to say "not too great", as his head was hurting, but decided there was no point in telling the boy that. "Where am I?"

"This is the Yuuki Hotel desu!" The boy told him.

Yagyuu meant to ask which town he was in, but the boy's Yamabuki accent answered the question. "How did I get here?"

"Someone brought you here desu! A mister, with white hair. He left you with us." The boy held his hands together, looking awkward. "The manager took payment from your wallet desu. But I made sure he only took the correct amount!"

Niou. They were over a day's journey away from Yamabuki when the storm hit and Niou took him all the way here. "So how long have I been here?"

"Two days. You had a fever, but that went down quite quickly."

"And my companion?"

"He went out desu, but didn't say where he was going and didn't listen when I suggested for him to wait till the weather gets better. But he said he'll be back." The boy looked out the window, a little distressed. "Anyway, would you like something to eat?"

Yagyuu didn't know what to do right now, so he nodded. The boy smiled and left the room.

Yagyuu sat up and stared out the window. He had been in bed for two days, so Niou had been gone for two days and outside, the storm looked even worse than Yagyuu remembered. Where had Niou gone? He had already wasted two days here and they were supposed to be at Fudomine by now.

With unsteady steps, Yagyuu brought himself to the window. He had to find Niou, but could he even go out when the wind was strong enough to rip trees from the ground? If he stepped outside now, he would literally be blown away. This was the kind of storm that killed, the kind that that man would laugh at and say it was nothing, but then go sprawl in front of Yagyuu's fireplace like a cat instead because "why go and get sodding wet when I could be spilling eggnog on your expensive rug instead?"

Yagyuu had no choice but to trust Niou would return. Niou had been doing all that he could to help Yagyuu, and Yagyuu refused to believe the creature's last master died because Niou deliberately let the thirty-days limit lapse. Under the formidable power and maybe the madness, there was something good in Niou, like all other creatures. Like that man. Yagyuu never stopped believing in him, and he would believe in Niou now.

 

Rain turned to snow, quiet but deadly. The temperature dropped further. A few days after Yagyuu woke in the hotel, he had fully recovered and was ready to go and search for Niou. The bond told him which direction Niou was in - and the fact that Niou wasn't dead - but not the distance, nor what he was doing, nor if he was hurt.

How must Yanagi feel, waiting day after day after day?

And then one morning, Yagyuu woke to find Niou lounging in front of the dying fire.

The first thing Yagyuu wanted to do was to hit him.

Niou turned just enough to make eye contact when Yagyuu sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You should have woke me. Are you aware how much time has been wasted and how worried I-"

There was blood on Niou's hair. Yagyuu pulled off the layers of blanket Niou had wrapped himself in, yanking when Niou resisted.

It was the same as a few days ago with the atobe. One of Niou's hands was painted completely red by blood, and there was more blood all over him. Yagyuu froze, taking stock of what he saw and what it meant.

"Is any of this blood yours?"

Niou did not answer.

Yagyuu took a deep breath, feeling the magic stir within him. He had tried not to abuse this power to impose anything onto Niou, but if Niou insisted on being difficult on something this important then Yagyuu had no choice. "Niou-kun, I request your full cooperation."

It was then that Niou turned towards him fully, scowling in mild annoyance. Yagyuu gasped, pulling back - one side of Niou's face was completely bloodied, and his eye...

Steadying himself, Yagyuu reached forward, but didn't dare to touch the mess on Niou's face. There was more than just blood. "Will this heal?"

Niou looked at him as if he had asked a stupid question. Yagyuu pulled the blanket down further, revealing other wounds, including a chunk of flesh torn from a leg, but those were all mending already. Creatures always healed fast. But that didn't mean they didn't feel pain.

Anger made Yagyuu shake. But who could he blame? Niou'd left him behind and went on his own to Fudomine to kill a tachibana for the spell. There was nothing Yagyuu could have done to help anyway. The tachibana fought back, not wanting his heart to be ripped out and eaten by one of his own kind. And this was the result.

"I may be useless in a battle situation," Yagyuu said, getting up, the frown on his face very, very faint, "but I know how to treat injuries, or at least make them hurt less."

Niou let Yagyuu do whatever he wanted to do - he had no choice. Yagyuu made him drink something from a vial, then got him to sit up and lean back against a wall.

Yagyuu held a hand just above Niou's half-missing eye, over the concaved eyelid.

"I know that you can speak." When Yagyuu concentrated, the palm of his hand tingled and started to feel cold. This was a sign he was doing it right. Yanagi taught him this. "The mute potion's effect has worn off; the errand boy said you have talked to him. I have no intention to silence you again, but if you decide you don't wish to speak to me, I respect your choice."

Niou showed no reaction at all.

"I have had some time to think over the last few days, and realised it is unfair to put you through all of this without telling you the reason," Yagyuu said. "I will only be brief because it is not something I wish to remember, obviously." He snorted humourlessly, his eyes fixed on a spot on the wall just next to Niou's head. "There is someone I wish to forget about... or perhaps that is the wrong way to say this. It is not that I want to forget about him, but remembering is too painful and I am a coward who cannot stand it any longer."

Niou's lips moved, but he made no sound. Yagyuu chuckled once, doubling his efforts on taking away Niou's pain. If he could do this for himself, then there would be no need to forget that man. But if this worked beyond physical injuries, then Yagyuu could have saved him and there was no need for any of this to begin with.

"Men are selfish and weak, that is why we seek out creatures like you when we cannot cope. I am genuinely sorry that I am making you hurt your own kind. It is something I have to do and I don't expect your understanding or forgiveness."

Soft laughter. Niou was shrugging - not as if he didn't care, but as if he didn't mind. He lifted his hand, covered in dried blood, and patted Yagyuu on the head, messing it up. Yagyuu didn't know what to make of this, but the moment soon broke when he realised how hard Niou was shaking, and the fact that he kept biting his own lips and swallowing hard.

The tachibana's heart. Niou was trying to keep it down without being noticed.

Yagyuu looked away, moving his hand to Niou's leg, his own stomach turning at the sight of the wound there. They wouldn't be going anywhere in the next few days. But there was still time.

When Niou's act crumbled and he began to choke and gag audibly, Yagyuu just focused on what he was doing. It was the only thing he could do and sometimes, there were no words that could convey what one wanted to say.

 

_Arms hooked over a horizontal bar so that he was almost draped on the metal, he smirked at Yagyuu._

_"I'm your bird."_

_Yayguu frowned. He turn over the hand he was holding, feeling every knuckle, checking for injuries. He had been throwing himself at the bars. Fortunately there were only bruises. Yagyuu rubbed ointment on the hands._

_The man had shut himself in the cage last night after hours of curling up in a seat, holding his head. Yanagi's potion didn't help. Eventually he stalked to the room with the birdcage, sat inside and told Yagyuu to turn the lock and go away._

_Yagyuu went to bed in a room furthest away from the cage, clutching the key._

_In the early morning, before the sun had even risen, Yagyuu went to check on the man. And there he was, bruised up and exhausted, smirking at him._

_Yagyuu let go of the hand and unlocked the cage. The hinges turned with a sharp squeak when the door opened. "I will get some food prepared. Eat something, then we can both get some proper rest." Yagyuu passed the ointment over. "Do the rest yourself; I am not your servant."_

_"Yagyuu."_

_Yagyuu looked at him._

_"Com'ere." He waved his arms playfully. "Closer. Closer closer closer."_

_He was definitely back to his insufferable self. Yagyuu humoured him, stepping closer._

_"A bit more..."_

_Yagyuu didn't move, but let him take his hand when he gestured for it. Then Yagyuu was tugged forward until he was right up against the cage, only metal bars separating them._

_"There." He grinned. Yagyuu could feel his breath._

_"Now what do you want?"_

_The man pulled his arms back and put them through again at a lower position. He held Yagyuu in place. He kissed him._

_Momentarily, Yagyuu froze. Then he responded, removing his eyeglasses first, so that he could better kiss him. Arms slipped through the cage to rest on the other man's back as tongue found each other, stroking and sliding and tasting. Yagyuu's heart sped up as he realised just how much he had wanted this, to kiss and hold and feel him. Make love to him._

_The man was the one to pull away first. He looked unsure, almost afraid, something Yagyuu rarely saw. He forced a smile, running a nervous hand through his hair. "Want to give your pet some proper loving?"_

_"If you want me to," said Yagyuu, his hands staying exactly where they were._

_"Yeah," the man said, "I want you to want me to want you to. Yeah, dammit."_

_"I do not know how to, though." Yagyuu's teeth grazed his own lip._

_"Slight difference in anatomy, that's all. I know how. Wish I don't but glad I do, right now." The man stopped, then smiled uneasily. "I've just spoiled it, haven't I?" He turned around to lean against the bars, his back to Yagyuu, breathing out hard. "Never mind. Sorry."_

_Yagyuu took a deep breath. He put the lock and key down on the floor, then stepped through the door, shutting it behind him. There were some things about this man he had always known on a subconscious level and this just confirmed it, nothing more._

_The man looked at Yagyuu out of the corner of his eyes, for once his face as easy to read as an open book. Yagyuu responded to that reserved hopefulness with a question._

_"What kind of man do you take me for?"_

_"I just know what I am." Corners of lips quivered as Yagyuu approached. "But I haven't... I'm clean. Swear I am. Haven't let anyone touch me for years."_

_Something inside Yagyuu clenched; this wasn't a simple thing he was being offered. He walked up close but stopped just short of contact._

_"Show me," he whispered. He slipped his hands under the man's shirt, pressed their bodies together, trapping the man between himself and the metal bars. "Is this all right?" he asked, kissing the corner of the mouth, and received laughter in return._

_Yagyuu raised an eyebrow, amused, and pushed a little harder, stripping his partner of his shirt by pulling it over his head. He let the same be done to him. Then the man removed the rest of their clothes, revealing his skin, his scars, his life. Yagyuu kissed him again, feeling that dull ache in his chest deepening. He trailed his mouth to the cheek, the jaw, down the neck, listening to the way the man breathed, feeling the way he responded. Then the man stopped him, and it was his turn to be caressed, to have calloused hands run all over him._

_He gasped when the mouth found his chest and the warm tongue played with a nipple, never before realising he was sensitive there. Sparks of sensations travelled through him as lips sucked and teased. He put a hand on the back of his partner's head, gently encouraging him, but the man abandoned the area and sank down on his knees. He bent over until he was close to the floor, then his lips were on Yagyuu's ankle, kissing and nibbling their way up inch by inch._

_Yagyuu had to move to lean against the side of the cage, hands grasping the bars to keep himself steady. This was more erotic than anything he had experienced and when the man made his way to the inner thigh, Yagyuu had to bite back a moan. It felt like forever before finally, finally his cock was kissed and sucked and he sighed, the pleasure making him weak in the knees. The man's tongue circled the head, lapping it like candy, careful and thorough in his pleasuring. Yagyuu was close to climax when the mouth left him and the man stood, his face flushed. He leaned back into Yagyuu, his backside rubbing on Yagyuu's cock. He turned his face to the side, speaking into the crook of Yagyuu's neck._

_"Works the same way. Just put it in."_

_Yagyuu almost did - hold him at the waist, position himself and shove it in. But he expected more from himself; if he did that then he was no different from those who had exploited this man before._

_He wrapped a hand around the man's erection and started stroking it, his other hand trailing across the chest, feeling every scar, every rib. The body against his trembled. When eyes met, he looked confused, as if Yagyuu was doing something he shouldn't, or something that hadn't been done for him before. His cock was completely hard in Yagyuu's hand. "Yagyuu." Pushing himself back, he moved his hips, rubbing himself against Yagyuu's cock and making Yagyuu pump him harder. "Don't need any more; I've been waiting long enough. Right now. I want you to."_

_The man pushed himself off Yagyuu. Shakily he draped himself over the iron bars once more, the way he did when Yagyuu first came in this morning. "Do it."_

_Yagyuu got behind him and he guided him in, moaning loudly as Yagyuu pushed in, little by little. Yagyuu held him tightly, too worried to go any faster and just kept going until he was all the way inside. The cock in Yagyuu's hand jerked._

_"All right?"_

_"Never been better. Now do me good."_

_Yagyuu took his time, pulling out a little, pushing back, his eyes on the display of old wounds in front of him to keep reminding himself to be careful. He didn't really know what he was doing but the man was taking it and he seemed to be enjoying it; there was no pain in the whimpering, they were only sounds that encouraged Yagyuu to continue. Yagyuu shifted, moving them both right up to the cage, his cock still in the man's arse. With every push of the hips, the man gripped harder on the bars, moaning loudly. Yagyuu nearly lost it._

_He pulled out, pried the man's fingers off the cage and made him lie down on the floor, on top of the cushions. Yagyuu spooned behind him and entered him again, holding their sweat-slicked bodies together, his hand on the man's cock, pumping slowly. Pleasure was building up and they both moaned, but Yagyuu controlled the pace and he was determined to take his time even though the way his cock was squeezed, the friction and the heat was driving him insane. He kept going until the man whimpered once more, telling Yagyuu to do whatever it was he just did again, and it was then that they lost control, their bodies rocking together faster and faster until neither of them could do it anymore. The man came, shooting into Yagyuu's hand, his body trembling with release. Yagyuu climaxed inside him, the world around them melting and fading away._

_They didn't say anything afterwards. There was nothing Yagyuu could say that better conveyed how he felt than what he just did._

_When the man was soundly asleep, Yagyuu left briefly to get a towel and a blanket, then crouched down beside the man and dabbed his face dry, cleaned them both the best he could before lying down again, pulling the blanket over them. The man stiffened instinctively, then relaxed, as if he could tell who it was touching him, like a pet recognising his owner's scent._

_Yagyuu held him tight. If he didn't, this man would fall apart._

 

Niou slept a troubled sleep. He woke several times, looked around himself, looked at Yagyuu, moved his shoulders, then leaned on the side of the carriage again, his eyes closing. The damaged eye was much better than it was a few days ago and all the other injuries had completely healed, yet he kept moving about as if something was causing him discomfort. It took Yagyuu half a day to realise sitting like this meant Niou was putting pressure on his wings.

When Niou jolted awake once more, Yagyuu tapped him on the shoulder. "If you do not mind, then please use my lap."

Moments later, Niou lay curled up on their seat, his head on Yagyuu's lap, looking content. Yagyuu's hand played with Niou's hair. It was surprisingly soft, like fur. His skin was slightly cool, but felt exactly the same as that of men's. The one thing that made him stand out, apart from his hair colour, were the wings...

Niou hunched his shoulders and breathed in sharply. He lifted his head to look at Yagyuu, who jerked his hand away.

"I'm sorry," said Yagyuu, embarrassed. He'd let himself get carried away despite knowing how important the wings were to a creature.

Niou didn't seem angry, only tired, like he had been since going to Fudomine. Too much energy was being spent on healing his body. He settled down again, a hand tugging on his cape, throwing the fabric away from himself, leaving the wings exposed. Granting permission. He closed his eyes, but there was no way to tell if he was going back to sleep. He just stayed very still when Yagyuu's hand ran down one of his wings lightly, and when Yagyuu pressed a kiss to his temple, letting that speak what he wanted to say.

 

Yagyuu had been to Seigaku before, first as a child and then during his travels, and the city had not changed much since his last visit. Yagyuu felt slightly more at ease, finally being at a place where he knew his way around.

Seigaku was not like Hyoutei, which prided itself in its "work hard, play hard" lifestyle, or Rikkai, which was all about economic trade, financial power. Seigaku's development was more rounded, placing as much emphasis on culture as it did on finance, on helping the disadvantaged as well as drawing the best out of people. Poverty still existed, but it was a problem that was controlled and being eradicated, whereas in Rikkai, only the strong survived.

That man would probably still have sneered at Seigaku though, Yagyuu thought. He couldn't say why, but he had this feeling.

Niou didn't seem to care much about Seigaku either. They found a place to have a meal, but Niou showed no interest in the city and seemed glad when Yagyuu led the way to where they were staying. Once inside the room, he drew the curtains, blocking out the bright sunshine everyone outside was enjoying, then went to bed. Yagyuu chuckled, shaking his head in resignation. He sat up in his bed, not tired enough to rest so early in the day.

"We have a few days left, enough for us to finish here and go back to Rikkai."

The top of his head peeking out from the covers, Niou stared at Yagyuu.

"I guess I will forget about you, too, once you have performed the spell. It is only logical for this to happen." Yagyuu said in the semi-darkness. "After what you have done for me, I can't accept the thought of simply forgetting about you. But it is a case of it _will_ happen, whether I can accept it or not. And you," he breathed out, smiling, "would rather have freedom after this is over."

Niou moved a bit, but didn't agree or disagree.

"You remind me of him - the person I am trying to forget. But you remind me of the good days. I wish I can be selective about what I remember, then I don't have to forget him. Or you." Yagyuu paused. His voice shook slightly. "The day we met, he pushed me out of the way from an oncoming carriage, but then proceeded to steal my wallet. That was the type of man he was: something good, something not-so-good." The memory brought on a smile. "There was a madness inside him, a huge shadow that always threatened to engulf him. He fought it. I always, always believed he would win. Never had I once doubted.

"He died in an accident. After all he had been through, he died that way. You could say that at least he did not lose to the madness." Yagyuu tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I am not someone who believes in fairness, but if anyone deserved something better, it was him. Could have let him have a few peaceful years before they took him away. I was going to set up a farm for him, with sheep, and some damn hedgehogs..."

A faint rustle. Niou buried himself under the covers completely.

Yagyuu took a deep breath, tried to banish those feelings once more.

"I should let you rest." he said to the bundle on the other bed, forcing himself to smile. "Sleep well, Niou-kun."

 

Niou led the way. They had been walking for hours and the cold was starting to wear on Yagyuu, but he was determined not to let Niou go on his own, having caught Niou try to go out from the windows of their room. Perhaps his presence would serve no purpose, just a superficial form of support from the one who forced this on Niou in the first place, but he went anyway.

They were in the outskirts of Seigaku, with nothing to light their way apart from moonlight and the glow of Niou's wings, a faint red hue that wasn't there before. It was the two hearts he had eaten that gave his wings the colour, like the mark of a killer. Yagyuu followed, with no idea where they were going, only that they were at a river bank and walking upstream, until they found what they were looking for.

The tezuka was surrounded by a golden glow. It seemed like he had been waiting for them.

"I heard about the others," said the tezuka, a frown etched deep between his brows. "You have come this far, so you won't stop unless one of us dies." His gaze turned to Yagyuu. "One out of the three of us."

Standing only a short distance away, Yagyuu showed no reaction. He would not become Niou's burden.

"You can't kill him, but I can. Once I do, you will be free. You won't need to make any more sacrifices for him."

Niou shook his head to the tezuka's offer. The stand-off continued, the tezuka waiting for Niou to change his mind. But it didn't happen.

"Fine. Take it."

Nobody moved.

"Tachibanas and atobes can fight without hesitation or even reason, but I cannot. If you are prepared to carry it through then I know it's worth it."

Niou smiled, but there was no emotion behind the smile. The muscles on his arm tightened as he walked to the tezuka, putting his hand over where the heart is. The tezuka's attention turned to Yagyuu.

"It is said that we don't need our hearts, and a lot of us exist with an empty space in our chests, but no one would let others know they have given their hearts away. It is time to see if all that is true."

Yagyuu didn't find out. The tezuka had staggered away, his hand over the hole in his chest, leaving his heart behind. Perhaps he would live, perhaps not.

 

They spent the night in Seigaku, then rode back to Rikkai.

The last day. If Niou didn't complete his spell today he would lose his mind.

Yagyuu made all his staff leave the house. Niou stood in the front room and waited.

"Don't get caught again after this, Niou-kun." Yagyuu took off his eyeglasses. This was the one part of the spell that was never documented, because the user would not remember if he was successful, and if he wasn't, he wouldn't live to know. "Don't let yourself be made to help people like me."

Niou only smiled. His wings spread out, red as blood. The air changed. The constant burn in Yagyuu's chest strengthened, then lifted, yet he wanted to cry. He would soon forget all about that man, he would become a man living without knowing his heart was gone. But at least he could go on.

Niou stepped closer, putting a hand on Yagyuu's chest, his eyes closed. The magic dispersed, reformed, hummed in Yagyuu's ears. He gasped when memories were brought forth, leaving him breathless.

It wasn't until then he noticed Niou was holding something, which he was now pressing into Yagyuu's palm, forcing Yagyuu to curl his fingers around it.

Yagyuu shook his head violently.

"No."

No.

"Hold it tight."

Yagyuu could not let go of the knife. There was magic in Niou's words. He should have muted him. He should have muted him.

Guiding Yagyuu's hands, Niou showed him where the blade needed to go: into his heart.

"No..." Yagyuu felt dizzy, sick. "I cannot hurt you."

"You have to, because I'll lose my mind soon and kill you."

"I can't let you sacrifice for me!"

"That," Niou grabbed Yagyuu's hands with both of his own, and pulled. "is my purpose."

 

_Yagyuu hadn't seen him for two days. They were going to do some travelling together: "two men, two horses, two bags. See how far we can go." It was a challenge Yagyuu gladly accepted, but on the day of departure, that man did now show up._

_And then Yagyuu read the papers._

_He penned a message and got someone to deliver it to Yanagi, then set out to search for that man._

_The stench of the slums was unbearable. If it were possible, living conditions seemed to have deteriorated even further than when Yagyuu braved them and lived here with that man._

_Yagyuu found him in the room he used to live in, once shared with some ten others, but now it was deserted, save him._

_He stood very still, a knife in his hand. There was dried blood on it, and there was blood on him. Yagyuu knew then that he was looking at the madman who the papers said killed five men last night._

_"You cannot carry on this way," said Yagyuu, his voice small, shaking. "Come back. You can do it."_

_The man walked forward. Yagyuu took a step back, nearly losing his balance when he tripped over the door frame. He could see the man's eyes and he could tell he was gone. His mind was gone. And he was going to kill him._

_"No. No." Yagyuu's back hit the wall of the alley outside, rough bricks pressing into his back through his shirt. "Don't."_

_He couldn't run._

_Vibrations. A force rushed through the air, rocking the man off his feet. He looked to the side, sneering at the figure at the end of the alley: Yanagi, rushing towards them, his arm outstretched._

_Yagyuu snatched the knife and put it in the man's chest._

_In that split second, the man smiled._

_Yagyuu collapsed with him._

_The next thing he knew was Yanagi pulling him away, trying to lift him off the ground._

_He had killed him. Out of fear. Because he didn't believe in him completely, didn't see that he was still there, deep inside, still fighting. He'd become_ afraid _. All the things he'd said in the past were a lie, he didn't believe in him enough, he was craven. So he killed him._

_He was still clutching the knife. He couldn't tell what was going through his mind at that point. The fresh blood on the blade looked fascinating. He touched it, but couldn't tell if it was warm or not. He held it high above himself, to see the bright red against the dull, lifeless sky, and he looked down and saw the man's lifeless body._

_Yanagi tried to pry the weapon from his hand, but he wouldn't let go. Then he felt a sudden numbness and his fingers loosen. Damn Yanagi and his magic._

_He trembled in Yanagi's arms, staring at the dead body. Something ripped through and tore out of him as a scream. There were words from Yanagi, but he didn't hear what they were. He kept screaming -_ I killed him I killed him I killed him _\- but Yanagi would not let him have the knife back even though cowards like him simply didn't deserve to live if people with real courage had to die in such a way._

_At some point during the struggle, Yagyuu found himself suddenly exhausted. Yanagi's hands were on his shoulders and he was saying something. A hypnosis spell._

_"You have nothing to do with his death. He died in an accident. You were at home when it happened. It was an accident."_

_Consciousness faded away._

 

"I know you," they were up close, their breaths intermingling. The memory that had been suppressed rushed forth. Yagyuu looked at their hands - Niou holding his, his holding the knife, the knife inside Niou's chest. It was happening all over again. "I know you."

"You won't very soon," said Niou, smirking, insufferable as ever. "Thanks for the ride, it's been fun."

The very same smile.

Suddenly Yagyuu's hands lost their strength. He let go. Niou fell backwards.

"Byebye."

 

_"There is no turning back after this."_

_"I know." Yagyuu's mouth closed over the niou's. He breathed out, air and binding magic in his breath. The creature barely moved, though he seemed to have mouthed a word:_

_Yagyuu._

 

"Hello, Yagyuu."

"Good morning."

"How are you?"

Yagyuu wondered why Yanagi's smile seemed a bit tight. Uneasy.

"I've hit my shoulder. It seems like I fainted without reason yesterday, and my shoulder hit the floor." Yagyuu looked up at the displayed goods, searching for suitable ingredients to help with the bruising.

There was quiet for a while, then Yanagi spoke. "If you're looking to make up an ointment for it, I have some already made. Why don't you go to the back, and we'll take a look at it properly?"

Yagyuu was about to reply, but the door opened. Someone limped in, his clothes dirty and in tatters, his hair a tangled mess. He made it to Yanagi's desk, dropped the bag he had been carrying, pulled out a horn half the size of himself, then dropped it on Yanagi's desk without ceremony.

"That damned beast gave me so much trouble. But there, killed it."

Yanagi pushed his chair back and stood, walking around to bring himself close to the visitor.

Yukimura dropped his smile. His brows gathered. Light danced in his eyes.

"Sorry, Renji."

Yagyuu watched his friends embrace each other. Something ate at him, like there was a hollowness inside. Something missing.

Yanagi closed the shop and ushered his two dear friends to the other room. Yagyuu stopped when he passed by the slate wall. The edges on his mind tickled.

"Yanagi-kun, did you not use to have some creatures here?"

Yanagi was helping Yukimura sit down. "I've set them free upon completion of my research. Though one has decided to stay." He looked up at the mezzanine, raising his voice a little. "Akaya? Please come down here for a minute."

Someone was napping on the mezzanine's floor. He stirred and looked around. "Yanagi-san." He hopped over the edge, landing softly beside Yanagi with the help of his wings. "Who are these people - your buddies?"

"Yes." Yanagi patted Akaya on the head. "My most important buddies."

Something tugged at Yagyuu again - that empty space inside. He looked at the creature, then at the wall.

He could not remember.

 

 

[end]


End file.
